Our anniversary, what can I say? I feel like I haven't been very present for the past couple weeks. I have been keeping to myself. I didn't know how to cope with it. Any of it. I just wanted to be alone With a 4 year old, how is that even possible? You can't get … Continue reading Anniversaries;
"To be needy, what an out of character trait for me. To need you. I don't think I have ever really thought I "needed" you, until I realized I never had you. Now it is all I think about." I started this entry a while ago and never finished it. That is all I had. … Continue reading Time;
It's like acid. Pouring slowly like sap onto our day; onto our emotions. It eats slowly away, until there are only holes remaining. Until you can't look at me. Until your face is in your hands. Until you are breaking down. I want so badly to stop it. To place my hands under the sap-like … Continue reading Memories;
I am starting to feel clear. It's just this week, but I feel clean. I feel like my mind is a bit more clear. I am becoming better at letting go and distancing myself. I enjoy this time alone. It's not ideal. No one want to go through trauma, but today I am appreciating what … Continue reading Improvement;
I need space. I realized, rather recently, that I have a hard time with saying no. I am going to spend the rest of this year learning to say no for myself. Learning to self-heal and self-soothe. Learning to trust myself and learning to focus solely on myself an my well-being. I have had to … Continue reading Space;
This word is heavy. This word is tense. This words fights. This word is cold. This word is bold and underlined. How am I the only one with ideas? You ask me all of the time: Well, what would you like me to do? Well, tell me what I should say! Tell me what to … Continue reading Limits;
It's been just over a month. The day before Valentine's day was our D-Day. What an awful holiday to begin with, but now? Now it is forever ruined in my mind. The day of love and admiration is the day of your betrayal, destruction, and mistrust for me. Forever. Forever ruined. I've never had a … Continue reading Repairing;
The most important lesson I am relearning on a daily basis is the extreme power of energy. As quickly as I chose to cut my parachute strings, I learned to fly. How can you heal when you surround yourself with hurt? Seclusion is the most beautiful thing when you are practicing self love. The clearest … Continue reading Energy;
However lovely the day, it's in the back of my mind. Every time. It creeps in like the quiet blow of cold air when the house is trying to maintain it's temperature. I remember different things every time. The fights, the sex, the routines, the silence, and most of all the rings. It's an eerie … Continue reading Journey;
It was made. However hard. Through it all; the fighting, screaming, crying, drinking myself in to a spiraling downward plane. I did it. I chose you, again; like always. I chose you. Ever in my life had I thought I knew love; I did not. No love could ever measure up to how quickly I … Continue reading Decision;
